Mana Mana

Every morning in Lifespan our teacher asks us on this app we use how we're feeling. There's a chart with pictures of Muppets and everything. There's one I always pick, and it's the Mana Mana one. You know, from the old Muppet Show? It kind of describes the blegh feeling I feel sometimes. And I definitely feel Mana Mana right now.

I wish I had an easier time making friends. I know I'm an acquired taste because I'm weird and nerdy but I can usually get along with other nerdy people. And so far no one has presented themselves as nerdy in my class. Or at least, nerdy with a desire to meet other nerds. It's an adjustment. I'm trying to be normal but I'm not normal. I'd rather talk about Harry Potter than boys and Instagram pictures any day. I'm sure I'll eventually find someone that I talk to every day and eat lunch with, but until then I feel like I'm back in high school. I need to make friends. I'm with these people for another two years. There's bound to be someone right?

Anyways, this thought plagued me so much that at one point I was unable to move for a while. But I guess I should stop worrying and be myself.

But what is myself is someone they don't like?

I'm sure I'll figure it out.

I don't really have much to report today. Maybe tomorrow.

Better days behind, better days ahead

I've been slacking off blogging and I have no one to blame but myself for that. So sit tight, it's gonna be a long ride. At least until the Advil PM kicks in, so maybe 20 minutes.

Thursday was awesome. I really feel the least stressed when I'm in class. Is that weird? I'm sure it is, but maybe it's because I'm loving what we're learning. Different developmental theories and applying them to OT in Lifespan, meeting with my group and talking about who we're going to interview and how to keep in touch in Evidence Based Practice, and getting called a good OT in Kinesiology because I figured out how to help a two-fingered patient learn the guitar. Thursday was just a good day in general, even the evening turned out okay. I got out early so while waiting for J I snuggled up in a study pod and looked over a great article about the Philosophy of OT which still holds up almost 100 years later.

Friday was really good too. We had two guest speakers that talked to us about stress and development, as well as epigenetics. We got to tie it all in to OT as well. The class didn't end on a high note (talking about still births and miscarriages), but I did get to explain to the class about spina bifida which was coo. Then I got my badge fixed. Turns about my access was never activated. Thank God I didn't have to get a third replacement badge. Then I got to visit my kiddos at my old school. They were nuts today! Still it was good to see them.

Saturday I went to a funeral which was sad. And that night was the Harry Potter edition of Geeks who Drink. That I admit was pretty fun. Good food and good company. Our team name was Highway to the Granger Zone. Funny right? We didn't win but we placed around 7th and were pretty high up there until the Random Knowledge round kicked our ass. Still, it was pretty fun.

And now we're at today...yeah here we go.

I was pretty lazy today. I didn't actually get up until around noon. Then I started my outline of the article I read on Thursday for our group discussion. The only thing was I couldn't concentrate, I had a headache, and my roommates were being pretty loud. They actually weren't yelling but they talk loud and when your house has concrete floors, it carries. No big though. I packed up my stuff and headed to the library where it was nice and quiet. I finished up my outline and sent it in...until I realized that there was a whole section that I had left out and I had accidentally double spaced when I should have single spaced. I sent in the single spaced version but that left out section had me feeling pretty bad about the rest of it. It stressed me out. On top of that now my ID badge is saying that I don't have the $10 worth of free printing that I should have. Like are you kidding me?! Whatever. I printed at home.

So yeah, even though my week ended great, there are still things out there that are stressing me out, like waiting for insurance to approve me so I can sign up for insurance and UNM threatening me with their overpriced insurance if the waiver I filled out doesn't get to them in time. Just ugh.

But I'm focusing on the good times that are to come. I will get better at this grad school stuff, and come out of it a great OT. So until next time, good night.

P.S. I have accepted my fate as a UNM student. I still have trouble saying I'm a Lo...you know, but I'll be an Aggie at heart (I did my undergrad at NMSU, Go Aggies!). By the way, accepting my fate means I've painted my nails red and silver. Though I feel like I did a crappy job as an unconscious protest.

I'm such a hot mess right now

Seriously I lost it this afternoon and it threw me off for the rest of night. But more on that later.

Not gonna lie, today was awesome. We started late, and only really had one class. Yes graduate seminar has stuff for us to complete but it was in that class that I really felt like I could finally do what I've wanted to do for a while. Study OT. That is my focus. I can do that all I want and it's gonna be amazing. The afternoon was great too. We got into groups to discuss the history of OT which is FASCINATING. At the same time no wonder nobody knows what we do, we've been everywhere! I really want to talk about the origins right now but I need to get to bed soon, my first class is at 8 tomorrow morning.

So it was after class when the problems started. I went to print some stuff out in the library and wouldn't you know it, my badge doesn't work. I have to go back to security and they'll fix it. No big deal right? Right. Then we went home where my only duties were to make a new account to apply for that job I want (done), do the reading for tomorrow, and begin signing up for health insurance.

And this is where it all went wrong.

I filled out an application on the Obamacare website and while I do qualify for Medicaid I need to wait for an approval before I can sign up, which would be fine except I lose coverage at the end of this month and you know something's gonna happen before then. It was then I decided to waive the UNM insurance while I still could, which means they needed my current information. It was then that my ONLY copy of my insurance card grew legs and walked away saying fuck you in the process.

I tore apart the room looking for it. It was bad, there were tears. I'm still hormonal because my body can't decide whether or not to finish my period. I finally called the insurance company and was able to get a copy printed out from online, photographed, emailed, saved, and sent as proof of insurance. That was a hassle though, and now I have to wait for forever and a day just to see if I can have coverage for the school year. I really hope so, paying the super expensive student insurance isn't in my budget. Anyways, that whole fiasco threw me of for the rest of the night. I had so much reading, and pretty cool stuff at that too, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I just felt so disoriented. Even now as I write this I feel like such a hot mess.

I blame the chaos I felt on hormones, but also on my inability to cope with stress. I'm SO not used to being a full time student anymore. I need to learn to get back into the swing of things. I need to learn to be able to study in my own home. I need to learn not to freak out! Of course I say that now, but in the moment of stress I feel like I'm falling apart.

I'll get better. School is great and I'm loving the work. It's all the crap I have to do in order to be a damn grad student that's stressing me out so much!!! Health insurance, more training, immunizations, background checks, all this crap I spent all summer taking care of and then finding out it's not taken care of because more stuff has to be done! The site for waiving insurance wasn't up, they didn't send out the emails in time, they need the results of the background check that we were told we wouldn't need, they need all sorts of stuff for immunizations! What more do they want from me?! I just want to be an OT!!!!!!!

Ugh. Okay, it's late, I need to be up in seven hours, and I probably won't sleep because J has moved to the constant coughing stage of his being sick. I need sleep.

Things always look better on the other side of the night.

Deer in the Headlights on the second day

I have about 20 minutes to write this before I go and start dinner. I have homework but J is still really sick and our roommate is submitting his thesis tonight while his wife is still at work. Ergo it's up to me. Which is why we're having Frito Pie because it's easy to make. Heat up the chili and cut up the onion and you're good to go!

So today I feel like was the more stressful day. In the morning we had Evidence Based Practice in which we'll be doing a lot of writing and our first project is due in two weeks. It's group project involving an interview with a practicing OT. My group got rehabilitation and participation, or something like that. It's a long title. Luckily we'll all get into our groups Thursday and figure out our topic. This is the class I feel like I'll have the hardest time explaining.

After lunch was Kinesiology. This is the one I was the most nervous about. And right I was. She started talking and I went instant deer in the headlights. I realized that I had forgotten about most of what I learned about muscles in A&P and just froze. It really stressed me out. Then she started talking about this practical and what happens if we don't pass enough times and how hard the tests are and by now I'm internally screaming and asking why I'm doing this in the first place.

So now I was stressed out so naturally I did the best thing possible and ran myself ragged at the gym. Shin splints suck. Still did it though! Now I'm home and need to start my reading, which I plan to do after dinner and to some soothing music.

So I have almost officially gone to all of my classes. The only one I have left is graduate seminar, which is only an hour a week. Back to Occupation and Health tomorrow so at least there's that.

All of this work has me wondering if I'll be able to do NaNoWriMo. November is when all the projects are due so it'll definitely be a challenge. I will attempt to do it though. I have two big assignments due right at the start of November so at least those will be out of the way.

And now it's time to start heating up the chili. I decide to write this early so that I can focus on my studies tonight.

Welcome to graduate school.

First day of school! First day of school!

WELCOME TO THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF MY LIFE!!!

If you can't already tell, I'm excited about graduate school. This had been four years in the making and I'm ready for it. The first day of class went really fast surprisingly. Although our first class started at 10, we had to be there at 8 so that the faculty and staff could introduce us. We introduced ourselves as well and stated our favorite occupation. Mine of course was writing, even though I assured everyone that I wasn't very good.

Our first class was Occupation Across the Lifespan. Literally. We start at the beginning and end at death. We went through a few things like theories of development. There are certain milestones that a person hits growing up, such as reaching or standing or walking. We watched this old video where there was an experiment done between two twins. One was given special daily training while the other had a normal childhood. The study concluded that even though the child given daily training developed certain milestones and problem solving skills quickly, the other child developed them as well, although they weren't as sure of themselves. It was pretty interesting.

The afternoon class was Intro to Occupation. Our instructor is pretty cool. We did some activities and then talked about defining occupation. Turns out it's not as easy as it seems, since it's so broad! No wonder OTs can't describe what they do. In the end we came up with a pretty broad definition and ended with defining occupational therapy. I honestly can't remember what we can up with and I don't have the motivation to go into my backpack and get my notebook out, so you'll just have to take my word for it.

I spent the evening making sure I didn't have any readings for tomorrow and well, playing Final Fantasy. All in all it was a great first day. I'm pretty tired though.

Tomorrow is Evidence Based Practice in the morning and Kinesiology in the afternoon. Kinesiology is the one I'm looking forward too, mostly because of the anatomy bit.

I think tomorrow I'm going to start getting back to the gym. I'm anxious to get back into the swing of things. I really want working out to be a part of my routine again.

J is sick. Really sick. I feel so bad for him since he's starting his second year and at the same time begging him to not make me sick!

Anyways, it's been a long day, and I'm feeling the need for sleep. Time to dry my hair and get some shut eye. Until tomorrow!

On the eve of the rest of my life.

Tomorrow starts the first day of the rest of my life.

Tomorrow I start graduate school.

I'm excited, I'm nervous, I'm tired. But I still have wet hair.

I'm excited to get back into a routine. The past month in which I have had no job has shown me I don't do well with no routine. J says I'm going to have more routine than I can deal with but I'm okay with that.

I'm nervous because I'm shy and making friends doesn't come easily to me. I think I made a friend at orientation but we shall see tomorrow. J thinks that once we all start I'll make friends easily. One can only hope my NMSU status doesn't weight to heavily at the rival school.

I'm tired. Last weekend was crazy and terrible and I haven't really slept well since then. I've been trying. Pretty sure that the small spot of blood on my eye is from lack of sleep over the past nearly two weeks. But I slept well last night and I'm sure I'll sleep well tonight. As soon as I can dry my hair and get to bed.

I still can't believe this is happening. I'm in. After four long years of preparing and applying I can finally start my career. I get all giddy when I come to the realization that I start soon. J is really happy for me too.

I better dry my hair. Tomorrow is gonna be a long day. My first class is at 10 but I need to be there at 8 because the faculty wants to meet us.

Now if I can only get a job on campus with my work study, everything will be great.

Good night.