Seriously I lost it this afternoon and it threw me off for the rest of night. But more on that later.
Not gonna lie, today was awesome. We started late, and only really had one class. Yes graduate seminar has stuff for us to complete but it was in that class that I really felt like I could finally do what I've wanted to do for a while. Study OT. That is my focus. I can do that all I want and it's gonna be amazing. The afternoon was great too. We got into groups to discuss the history of OT which is FASCINATING. At the same time no wonder nobody knows what we do, we've been everywhere! I really want to talk about the origins right now but I need to get to bed soon, my first class is at 8 tomorrow morning.
So it was after class when the problems started. I went to print some stuff out in the library and wouldn't you know it, my badge doesn't work. I have to go back to security and they'll fix it. No big deal right? Right. Then we went home where my only duties were to make a new account to apply for that job I want (done), do the reading for tomorrow, and begin signing up for health insurance.
And this is where it all went wrong.
I filled out an application on the Obamacare website and while I do qualify for Medicaid I need to wait for an approval before I can sign up, which would be fine except I lose coverage at the end of this month and you know something's gonna happen before then. It was then I decided to waive the UNM insurance while I still could, which means they needed my current information. It was then that my ONLY copy of my insurance card grew legs and walked away saying fuck you in the process.
I tore apart the room looking for it. It was bad, there were tears. I'm still hormonal because my body can't decide whether or not to finish my period. I finally called the insurance company and was able to get a copy printed out from online, photographed, emailed, saved, and sent as proof of insurance. That was a hassle though, and now I have to wait for forever and a day just to see if I can have coverage for the school year. I really hope so, paying the super expensive student insurance isn't in my budget. Anyways, that whole fiasco threw me of for the rest of the night. I had so much reading, and pretty cool stuff at that too, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I just felt so disoriented. Even now as I write this I feel like such a hot mess.
I blame the chaos I felt on hormones, but also on my inability to cope with stress. I'm SO not used to being a full time student anymore. I need to learn to get back into the swing of things. I need to learn to be able to study in my own home. I need to learn not to freak out! Of course I say that now, but in the moment of stress I feel like I'm falling apart.
I'll get better. School is great and I'm loving the work. It's all the crap I have to do in order to be a damn grad student that's stressing me out so much!!! Health insurance, more training, immunizations, background checks, all this crap I spent all summer taking care of and then finding out it's not taken care of because more stuff has to be done! The site for waiving insurance wasn't up, they didn't send out the emails in time, they need the results of the background check that we were told we wouldn't need, they need all sorts of stuff for immunizations! What more do they want from me?! I just want to be an OT!!!!!!!
Ugh. Okay, it's late, I need to be up in seven hours, and I probably won't sleep because J has moved to the constant coughing stage of his being sick. I need sleep.
Things always look better on the other side of the night.
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